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Can you accept the imperfections of yourself and others? December 16, 2012

Posted by frewon9 in Inspirational.
Tags: , ,

Hello my fellow human Beings:

If you have an A-type personality, you may find answering this question in the affirmative a bit challenging.  … Likely, you will have set higher standards for yourself than others and if you don’t reach up to those standards, you’ll feel mighty disappointed, perhaps a bit stressed, and with a heaping spoonful of feelings of failure.

If you found it difficult to answer YES to this question, you are not alone, I can relate.

You see for so much of my younger life I was a perfectionist.  I thought (at the time) that these perfectionist tendencies helped me to strive to be a better person and achieve success.  Yet, when on occasion these standards (or plans) weren’t met I encountered disappointment, stress and feelings of failure.

Oh what was I thinking?!

Was that really the way to live a happy and successful life?

Through life experience and gaining bits of wisdom (much of which from my meditation practice and a deeper understanding of the truths about life and myself), I realized that there is a better way to live, and be happy and successful. … It just takes some patience.

Gary Chapman, ordained Christian minister, marriage counsellor, and best-selling author of the book The Five Love Languages, describes this key characteristic of PATIENCE in his book, Love As A Way Of Life, as follows:

 Patience is accepting the imperfections of others [and ourselves.] …

Patience requires us to see others as we want to be seen ourselves.  People are not machines from which we can expect to get a perfect product. …

Each of us is in the process of change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.  If we are conscious of this reality, then we will be more patient toward family members, coworkers, and friends who at the moment may not be making the choices we wish they would make.  If we respect the process, we are more likely to have a positive influence on the outcome.  We do not control other people, but we do influence one another.  Patience creates an atmosphere that makes a positive influence possible. …

As we learn to be patient with others, we also need to be patient with ourselves.  We too are in process, even when it comes to growing in patience. …

When we are patient, we acknowledge to ourselves and others that every failure can be a stepping-stone toward success.

Gary reminds us that by accepting the imperfections of others and ourselves, acknowledging the positive in the situation, and learning from the experience, we can be happy and successful.

I recently had to put this advice into practice when leading a meditation class on PATIENCE. (Ironic, eh? Or was it a personal enlightening moment?)

30 minutes before class started, I discovered that I had forgotten to bring the book from which the class reading was to be taken.  Living more than 15 minutes away from the class location, there was no way I could go home, retrieve the book and return in time for class.

So what was I going to do?

Well, the first thing I did was to stop, be still a while, and just breathe.

This helped me be calm, clear-headed and connected to Source.

That in turn helped me accept my oversight as the current reality, set aside worry, and come up with ideas to resolve the issue, acknowledging that my other detailed class preparations gave me access to alternate resources.

I learned to practice patience right then and there.

Then, with my summary notes, stored memories, an added forgiveness meditation, and great class input, all the pertinent points from the “forgotten” reading were expressed and the patience class was successful.

(What I love most about teaching is that through it I continue to learn.)

So now I can answer the heading question in the affirmative.  YES!

YES I CAN accept the imperfections of myself and others. (Although I’m reminded that I am not perfect and that I am, as we all are, a work in process, even when it comes to growing in patience.)

So perhaps you will join me whenever you are next faced with imperfections, and together we will endeavour to:

  • take the time to PAUSE,
  • be still,
  • connect to Source,
  • accept the imperfections of ourselves and others,
  • recognize the positives in the circumstances,
  • find the learning in the moment,
  • and patiently take the steps toward a happy, successful and abundant life!

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

I have the amazing privilege and overwhelming responsibility of raising three daughters. I’m deliberate in the personal choices I make, knowing I set an example of what a strong, independent woman of integrity looks like.

I don’t always succeed.

As hard as I try to parent gently and with smart guidance, I’m imperfect and sometimes I get it wrong.

All relationships go hand in hand with feelings of regret and disappointment, and a sense we haven’t given our best at some point. Here are a few ways I have learned to parent with grace despite the fact that I am imperfect.


Even if you’re not a parent, you may find these ideas helpful in accepting yourself just as you are—even when you don’t get everything right in relationships.

1. Accept that we are human and humans are messy.

I am most authentic when I am forced to humbly admit I don’t know everything and I sometimes make mistakes. This makes me much more likely to accept the imperfections in others and love them anyway.

It’s easier to be authentic when you take the pressure of perfection off the table—and it’s easier to be compassionate and kind when you understand everyone is messy.

2. Use your weaknesses as strengths.

There is only one “me.” The good, the bad, and the ugly all contribute to my uniqueness. So do past experience, hurts, and mistakes. It’s not enough to simply learn from the past. We also need to look at our choices to understand what we’re made of, and in that way either improve or understand how certain weaknesses can actually be strengths.

I’m not the most structured and organized parent. I realize that many would see this as a tragic weakness.  However, I’ve seized the most beautiful, spontaneous moments with my children by being flexible and open to possibilities.

Once I woke them up in the middle of the night to see a meteor shower and we had hot chocolate afterward. Yes, they were tired for school the next morning. And yes, it is a memory we share of a lovely experience together.

3. Be sure of your direction.

It’s not to say that we can’t make course corrections or change our paths along the way. But certain decisions we make regarding which way we move come from our personal moral compass.

Stay true to who you are and what feels intrinsically right to you. You can’t predict the road the journey will take you, but you control your own feet. Take intentional steps that move you in a direction of staying true to yourself. How you walk might not be perfect, but you can feel confident in where you’re headed.

I will walk alongside my girls on their journey as long as they will let me. I also know I’ll give them a foundation so they can walk strong in the direction they eventually choose, without fear of somehow doing it wrong or not well enough.

4. Learn to laugh at yourself.

Life’s short. When we exert energy to things we cannot control, it only empowers the negative. When you have the choice to laugh or cry, laugh.

I work in a demanding job often with children. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and think that I can’t provide everything they deserve. Once after a particularly challenging shift, a child noticed my hair was crazy and sticking up and laughed. So I did too. It wasn’t a professionally perfect moment, but I’m sure I was my most authentic.

Having flaws, being vulnerable, and most importantly being true to you are cornerstones of being real. Some things I will work on to evolve and become a better person.  Some things are just part of who I am.

Fr: Still Valerie. & Oscar Wilde

God Uses Imperfect People

 It’s true, God does use imperfect people!

Moses, Abraham, Jacob, Samson, Joseph, David, Solomon, Peter, Paul – they were all pretty messed up; yet today, these names are considered amongst the greatest men of all time! Never feel like you are too “nicked up” for God to do something amazing through you; these men were guilty of lying, murder, adultery, narcissism, greed, pride, genocide, and much more – surely if God could use them men, then He is able to use you as well!

It’s Friday, and you’ve had a long week; so, instead of continuing my thoughts into a long, scripture ridden post, enjoy this short video! Please note that it is very corny, which is exactly why I thought it was comical.

SEE ALSO :https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1984/10/out-of-obscurity?lang=eng



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